the one

Many people pet name Christian colleges (such as the one I attend) to be “marriage factories.” But never do I feel as pressured to get hitched when at college as when I am in my hometown at my home church.

The examples are sticky and I shalt not get into them.

All of my life I’ve never doubted the idea that one day, when it’s time, God will reveal the right guy for me. Where I got this idea… I’m not quite sure.

Then I got thinking… where do these “ones” come from? Is there a town somewhere dedicated to producing Mr. and Mrs. Right? Doubt it.

Where is the logic in thinking that just because I exist that God has someone planned for me? What if his plan is for me to do something completely different with my life?

I struggle with wanting to believe that my plan for my life is the same as God’s plan for my life.

I also struggle with leaving the idea of “the one” for me in God’s hands. It’s funny how I can be so sure that God will provide the right guy for me but yet subconsciously doubt that everything will work out as it should. I want to push things and fix things on my own that probably don’t need to be pushed or fixed.

It’s almost that without realizing it I’ve taken away my full trust in God to handle this for me. Like I think that he needs help with the matter.

For example, when I date a guy that I think has any possibility of being “the one” I hold on for dear life. I put my whole heart into it and try at hard as possible. Generally around this time I forget to pray… which is what I should be doing from the start about the situation. Then (like always) it all falls apart.

But tonight I got to thinking…. what if what God is trying to tell me is that he doesn’t have someone out there searching for me. Someone meant to save me and make sense out of my mess. What if I’m supposed to be the one doing the searching and saving? What if this is why I always feel the need to put all of my heart and hope into a relationship?

What is the difference between being the one vs. finding the one?

In a way, I want to be both. But is that possible?

All I know is that if I’m sitting around on my toosh waiting for Mr. Right while my Mr. Right is sitting around on his toosh waiting for me we’re never, ever going to find each other.

For now though I’m content with the idea of there ever even being a “Mr. Right” for me. I’m not ready and I’m sure, if he’s right for me, then wherever he is he’s not ready either. But when it’s time, we both will be.

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